Friday, October 15, 2004
Sleek, Swank, and Snake Blood
Hey,
Well who knew it could happen? Tyler feels classy on the road? How is this possible you ask yourself - why aren't you sleeping in the van on a circus lot with no running water? When you're not there - aren't you sleeping on an air mattress on a cement floor that floods periodically in a room separated only by circus curtains? Well yes, you're absolutely right - but nonetheless - last night it happened. I got invited by my friend - who is the concierge in fancy downtown Hotel Zsa Zsa - to go check out the new menu at Guthrie's. Figuring that my snake blood soaked jeans (we'll get to that part of the story later) won't be appropriate - I slip into a fancy suit that I haven't had occasion to wear my whole time in Texas - and duck out into the night. Guthrie's glows in bright green neon from all the eves in it's quaint little house like building and I slide inside over to the bar to meet my friend and have a nice sized whiskey in a big heavy glass. There's hardly anyone there and as we're munching on gorgonzola cheese and salmon cakes at the bar the last table empties out and one couple comes in - sure enough - it's the owner and his knockout date. So now it's just the four of us - along with Jonathan the bartender from Mississippi who got shot in the head while he was in the army - we're eating steak and quail, sipping cocktails and swapping stories like it's our own private bar. It's nearly midnight when we leave for a nightcap. Sipping absinthe in a bathrobe on the east balcony I feel just like Hugh Heffner - even if it's only for a night.
This morning I get up and get the paper from 7-11 to see me and the cast of the Bros. Grim show staring back at me from the front page of the metro section of the Dallas Morning News (see link above). The fire chief really didn't represent himself accurately or I should say truthfully to the press and there were a couple critical issues left out completely but all in all I think it was a really good issue to get out there in the public eye. But the photoshoot - well that was another story.
So we're about half way through the shoot on a public street in Dallas - when Amanda - the snake girl says - "guys, guys... the snake's bleeding." and sure enough - blood is pouring out of Queen Hartley's nose and mouth and running all down the front of the snake girl.
We get through with the shoot and go over to pick up Fred who has a snake show at the state fair for a snake exam on the grass of the Double Wide's parking lot.
It's not looking good and when I put Hartley in her cage for the night I'm thinking it may be the last time I see her alive.
But the next day she looks better and we take her to the vet who drains a huge absess in her side squirting blood everywhere. After all the gross stuff is over with - she's in her travel tank when some unsuspecting puppy lover walks in - spots her there and screams while nearly toppling a shelf of dog food. It was a magic moment.
So now it's my job to flush out the absess every day by pushing water inside the would and squeezing it out, then packing the gaping hole and wound inside with cream.
Last night when I was squeezing the blood out of her in the bathtub - she decided to push out a snake turd too. Oh yeah - it's everything you could hope for to make legions of teenage girls scream and throw up on each other.
But Hartley's gonna be okay and it's all worthwhile when for just one night I can shake off the snake blood and go out on the town in style.
Until the Next Time.
Tyler
Well who knew it could happen? Tyler feels classy on the road? How is this possible you ask yourself - why aren't you sleeping in the van on a circus lot with no running water? When you're not there - aren't you sleeping on an air mattress on a cement floor that floods periodically in a room separated only by circus curtains? Well yes, you're absolutely right - but nonetheless - last night it happened. I got invited by my friend - who is the concierge in fancy downtown Hotel Zsa Zsa - to go check out the new menu at Guthrie's. Figuring that my snake blood soaked jeans (we'll get to that part of the story later) won't be appropriate - I slip into a fancy suit that I haven't had occasion to wear my whole time in Texas - and duck out into the night. Guthrie's glows in bright green neon from all the eves in it's quaint little house like building and I slide inside over to the bar to meet my friend and have a nice sized whiskey in a big heavy glass. There's hardly anyone there and as we're munching on gorgonzola cheese and salmon cakes at the bar the last table empties out and one couple comes in - sure enough - it's the owner and his knockout date. So now it's just the four of us - along with Jonathan the bartender from Mississippi who got shot in the head while he was in the army - we're eating steak and quail, sipping cocktails and swapping stories like it's our own private bar. It's nearly midnight when we leave for a nightcap. Sipping absinthe in a bathrobe on the east balcony I feel just like Hugh Heffner - even if it's only for a night.
This morning I get up and get the paper from 7-11 to see me and the cast of the Bros. Grim show staring back at me from the front page of the metro section of the Dallas Morning News (see link above). The fire chief really didn't represent himself accurately or I should say truthfully to the press and there were a couple critical issues left out completely but all in all I think it was a really good issue to get out there in the public eye. But the photoshoot - well that was another story.
So we're about half way through the shoot on a public street in Dallas - when Amanda - the snake girl says - "guys, guys... the snake's bleeding." and sure enough - blood is pouring out of Queen Hartley's nose and mouth and running all down the front of the snake girl.
We get through with the shoot and go over to pick up Fred who has a snake show at the state fair for a snake exam on the grass of the Double Wide's parking lot.
It's not looking good and when I put Hartley in her cage for the night I'm thinking it may be the last time I see her alive.
But the next day she looks better and we take her to the vet who drains a huge absess in her side squirting blood everywhere. After all the gross stuff is over with - she's in her travel tank when some unsuspecting puppy lover walks in - spots her there and screams while nearly toppling a shelf of dog food. It was a magic moment.
So now it's my job to flush out the absess every day by pushing water inside the would and squeezing it out, then packing the gaping hole and wound inside with cream.
Last night when I was squeezing the blood out of her in the bathtub - she decided to push out a snake turd too. Oh yeah - it's everything you could hope for to make legions of teenage girls scream and throw up on each other.
But Hartley's gonna be okay and it's all worthwhile when for just one night I can shake off the snake blood and go out on the town in style.
Until the Next Time.
Tyler
