Thursday, October 28, 2004
Symphony, Snakes, and Sneaking Across the Border
Wowsers,
I can't believe I'm only in Texas for another week and it feels like I've lived a month in the last seven days. I started the day lancing squeeaing and dressing the enormous blisters on my feet from a fire walk that has had me limping for the last week - but check out where this limp has taken me. I went to Austin last week to see Katzen the Tiger Lady and go out with The Lizardman and Scott - Dr. Grift. So the group of tattooed animals and the rest of us all went to Casino El Camino and swapped out sideshow stories. It's an amazing world - we can go months without seeing each other and then when we're in the same room - it's as if we've just left the office for lunch and nothing has changed. I floored the van back up 35 North through Italy, Texas and the Monolithic Dome institute (search for the website - these domes are awesome and someday you'll be coming to visit me living in one of them) and on back to Dallas. A week ago today I could barely walk and hadn't worn shoes since the big burn - but sure enough I showered and shaved - put on my shiny blue suit and strapped on some shoes for my hot date. I stopped off by the liquor store on the way and surprisingly enough I've gotten to know the guys by now - he asks me if I'm MCing tonight and I say no - I've got a hot date - I'm going to to the symphony. He says, "well just keep that bottle in your pocket and I'm sure you'll make it through okay."
Off to the Zsa Zsa hotel and the Dragonfly poolside lounge where I meet my hot tamale red-head decked out in a floor length dress. The magic carpet limo pulls up and we're of to the Symphony. We sip our way through some champagne and whiskey while taking in the amazing venue and then waltz into our private box seats for Verdi's Requium. The symphony is mostly strings with a little brass but we're on eye level with the chorus of 200. The symphony is amazing - wide dynamic ranges so soft I find myself not breathing and then suddenly I'm blasted out of my seat in the next measure. We take in the sculpture garden outside waiting for the magic carpet to arrive again - this time to take us to the Westin Hotel and our view of downtown dallas glowing on the horizon. With a quick nightcap we're off to dine at a rooftop restaurant - interestingly enough within sight of where the big top used to be in Deep Ellum.
I wake up in the moring looking out at Dallas through beautiful glass windows reveling in how I have the best life in the entire world - and hours later the shit hits the fan. I'm still limping, Amanda and Angelica are sick and William and La are detained at the Mexican border. Oh yes, and it's pouring rain at the big top.
Saturday is hardly better - but Sunday is where it gets really exciting as I get up early to go to church - yes you read this correctly - Sunday morning found me suit and tie freshly shaved standing in a Southern Baptist church. It was a worship experience unlike any other I've been to before with a lot of call and response Amens! and lots of singing - not to a church organ no, no, no, but to a five piece band. Amanda's Dad is the preacher - and it's a fun switch for me to be the stranger on the arm. Once I get into the swing of it - everything is okay and it's reall is quite an overpowering experience. But the weird part comes when we get up to pass the peace and greet all our neighbors - well I'm with Amanda and people keep asking if we've gotten married yet. More than that - they're surprised to hear that we're not married. Apparrently - Amanda used to be engaged to a guy who looked just like me. Funny.
We barely make it through the wet weekend and just when we've got as chance to see a brierf respite - I come home smiling Sunday night on my way to go out dancing - only to find Queen Hartley - jaws wide open from her last gasping breath - eyes staring deep into the netherworld. Monday pretty much dissappeared for all of us - then Tuesday night we all head out to the big top - in my big red hearse with Hartley on ice in the back. The grounds at Thrill-Vania are home to many wonderful show animals - a couple of lions, a tiger, a few wolves, and who know who else. We pull back the railing that separates the stage from the audience and dig in with the pick axe. All of us take turns with the shovel and sure enough it's a real sideshow send off with Amanda, William Darke, Ken Harke, Hobbes and his wife Melissa, Jeremy, and Chuy the Wolf Man. With a few feet of Texas clay cleared away - we lay Hartley down in a coil in the earth and as I lay her head down - she looks as if she's about to come to and stick her tongue out exploring. We all place in a little something to send her off with - Danyell's flip flops, the greenery from her cage, flowers from the kitchen table and each of us pulled out a few hairs to throw in with her. We all said a few words - read from the big book and reached down with our hands to fill in the hole. I planted a bamboo cross made out of her cage in the big mound of dirt covered in sawdust and in sideshow tradition - the funeral became a party. We all had a great time - and then I fell back into the coffin filled with ice water that had held her body for the past two days.
Yesterday we did our first show with the grave in the big top - and I wonder what the audience thinks when they see that big mound of dirt with a cross in it right there front and center of the stage.
Tonight I'm off to the big top - and one week from today I'll be in LA. Exploring the west coast for the first time ever.
I always love to hear back from you - so email me and tell me what you're going to be for Halooween at tyler@tylerfyre.com or even better
Send big checks and small panties to
Tyler Fyre
Brown Gravy Entertainment
3100 Main St. # 349
Dallas, TX 75226
You Rock and Happy Halloween,
Tyler
I can't believe I'm only in Texas for another week and it feels like I've lived a month in the last seven days. I started the day lancing squeeaing and dressing the enormous blisters on my feet from a fire walk that has had me limping for the last week - but check out where this limp has taken me. I went to Austin last week to see Katzen the Tiger Lady and go out with The Lizardman and Scott - Dr. Grift. So the group of tattooed animals and the rest of us all went to Casino El Camino and swapped out sideshow stories. It's an amazing world - we can go months without seeing each other and then when we're in the same room - it's as if we've just left the office for lunch and nothing has changed. I floored the van back up 35 North through Italy, Texas and the Monolithic Dome institute (search for the website - these domes are awesome and someday you'll be coming to visit me living in one of them) and on back to Dallas. A week ago today I could barely walk and hadn't worn shoes since the big burn - but sure enough I showered and shaved - put on my shiny blue suit and strapped on some shoes for my hot date. I stopped off by the liquor store on the way and surprisingly enough I've gotten to know the guys by now - he asks me if I'm MCing tonight and I say no - I've got a hot date - I'm going to to the symphony. He says, "well just keep that bottle in your pocket and I'm sure you'll make it through okay."
Off to the Zsa Zsa hotel and the Dragonfly poolside lounge where I meet my hot tamale red-head decked out in a floor length dress. The magic carpet limo pulls up and we're of to the Symphony. We sip our way through some champagne and whiskey while taking in the amazing venue and then waltz into our private box seats for Verdi's Requium. The symphony is mostly strings with a little brass but we're on eye level with the chorus of 200. The symphony is amazing - wide dynamic ranges so soft I find myself not breathing and then suddenly I'm blasted out of my seat in the next measure. We take in the sculpture garden outside waiting for the magic carpet to arrive again - this time to take us to the Westin Hotel and our view of downtown dallas glowing on the horizon. With a quick nightcap we're off to dine at a rooftop restaurant - interestingly enough within sight of where the big top used to be in Deep Ellum.
I wake up in the moring looking out at Dallas through beautiful glass windows reveling in how I have the best life in the entire world - and hours later the shit hits the fan. I'm still limping, Amanda and Angelica are sick and William and La are detained at the Mexican border. Oh yes, and it's pouring rain at the big top.
Saturday is hardly better - but Sunday is where it gets really exciting as I get up early to go to church - yes you read this correctly - Sunday morning found me suit and tie freshly shaved standing in a Southern Baptist church. It was a worship experience unlike any other I've been to before with a lot of call and response Amens! and lots of singing - not to a church organ no, no, no, but to a five piece band. Amanda's Dad is the preacher - and it's a fun switch for me to be the stranger on the arm. Once I get into the swing of it - everything is okay and it's reall is quite an overpowering experience. But the weird part comes when we get up to pass the peace and greet all our neighbors - well I'm with Amanda and people keep asking if we've gotten married yet. More than that - they're surprised to hear that we're not married. Apparrently - Amanda used to be engaged to a guy who looked just like me. Funny.
We barely make it through the wet weekend and just when we've got as chance to see a brierf respite - I come home smiling Sunday night on my way to go out dancing - only to find Queen Hartley - jaws wide open from her last gasping breath - eyes staring deep into the netherworld. Monday pretty much dissappeared for all of us - then Tuesday night we all head out to the big top - in my big red hearse with Hartley on ice in the back. The grounds at Thrill-Vania are home to many wonderful show animals - a couple of lions, a tiger, a few wolves, and who know who else. We pull back the railing that separates the stage from the audience and dig in with the pick axe. All of us take turns with the shovel and sure enough it's a real sideshow send off with Amanda, William Darke, Ken Harke, Hobbes and his wife Melissa, Jeremy, and Chuy the Wolf Man. With a few feet of Texas clay cleared away - we lay Hartley down in a coil in the earth and as I lay her head down - she looks as if she's about to come to and stick her tongue out exploring. We all place in a little something to send her off with - Danyell's flip flops, the greenery from her cage, flowers from the kitchen table and each of us pulled out a few hairs to throw in with her. We all said a few words - read from the big book and reached down with our hands to fill in the hole. I planted a bamboo cross made out of her cage in the big mound of dirt covered in sawdust and in sideshow tradition - the funeral became a party. We all had a great time - and then I fell back into the coffin filled with ice water that had held her body for the past two days.
Yesterday we did our first show with the grave in the big top - and I wonder what the audience thinks when they see that big mound of dirt with a cross in it right there front and center of the stage.
Tonight I'm off to the big top - and one week from today I'll be in LA. Exploring the west coast for the first time ever.
I always love to hear back from you - so email me and tell me what you're going to be for Halooween at tyler@tylerfyre.com or even better
Send big checks and small panties to
Tyler Fyre
Brown Gravy Entertainment
3100 Main St. # 349
Dallas, TX 75226
You Rock and Happy Halloween,
Tyler
Friday, October 15, 2004
Sleek, Swank, and Snake Blood
Hey,
Well who knew it could happen? Tyler feels classy on the road? How is this possible you ask yourself - why aren't you sleeping in the van on a circus lot with no running water? When you're not there - aren't you sleeping on an air mattress on a cement floor that floods periodically in a room separated only by circus curtains? Well yes, you're absolutely right - but nonetheless - last night it happened. I got invited by my friend - who is the concierge in fancy downtown Hotel Zsa Zsa - to go check out the new menu at Guthrie's. Figuring that my snake blood soaked jeans (we'll get to that part of the story later) won't be appropriate - I slip into a fancy suit that I haven't had occasion to wear my whole time in Texas - and duck out into the night. Guthrie's glows in bright green neon from all the eves in it's quaint little house like building and I slide inside over to the bar to meet my friend and have a nice sized whiskey in a big heavy glass. There's hardly anyone there and as we're munching on gorgonzola cheese and salmon cakes at the bar the last table empties out and one couple comes in - sure enough - it's the owner and his knockout date. So now it's just the four of us - along with Jonathan the bartender from Mississippi who got shot in the head while he was in the army - we're eating steak and quail, sipping cocktails and swapping stories like it's our own private bar. It's nearly midnight when we leave for a nightcap. Sipping absinthe in a bathrobe on the east balcony I feel just like Hugh Heffner - even if it's only for a night.
This morning I get up and get the paper from 7-11 to see me and the cast of the Bros. Grim show staring back at me from the front page of the metro section of the Dallas Morning News (see link above). The fire chief really didn't represent himself accurately or I should say truthfully to the press and there were a couple critical issues left out completely but all in all I think it was a really good issue to get out there in the public eye. But the photoshoot - well that was another story.
So we're about half way through the shoot on a public street in Dallas - when Amanda - the snake girl says - "guys, guys... the snake's bleeding." and sure enough - blood is pouring out of Queen Hartley's nose and mouth and running all down the front of the snake girl.
We get through with the shoot and go over to pick up Fred who has a snake show at the state fair for a snake exam on the grass of the Double Wide's parking lot.
It's not looking good and when I put Hartley in her cage for the night I'm thinking it may be the last time I see her alive.
But the next day she looks better and we take her to the vet who drains a huge absess in her side squirting blood everywhere. After all the gross stuff is over with - she's in her travel tank when some unsuspecting puppy lover walks in - spots her there and screams while nearly toppling a shelf of dog food. It was a magic moment.
So now it's my job to flush out the absess every day by pushing water inside the would and squeezing it out, then packing the gaping hole and wound inside with cream.
Last night when I was squeezing the blood out of her in the bathtub - she decided to push out a snake turd too. Oh yeah - it's everything you could hope for to make legions of teenage girls scream and throw up on each other.
But Hartley's gonna be okay and it's all worthwhile when for just one night I can shake off the snake blood and go out on the town in style.
Until the Next Time.
Tyler
Well who knew it could happen? Tyler feels classy on the road? How is this possible you ask yourself - why aren't you sleeping in the van on a circus lot with no running water? When you're not there - aren't you sleeping on an air mattress on a cement floor that floods periodically in a room separated only by circus curtains? Well yes, you're absolutely right - but nonetheless - last night it happened. I got invited by my friend - who is the concierge in fancy downtown Hotel Zsa Zsa - to go check out the new menu at Guthrie's. Figuring that my snake blood soaked jeans (we'll get to that part of the story later) won't be appropriate - I slip into a fancy suit that I haven't had occasion to wear my whole time in Texas - and duck out into the night. Guthrie's glows in bright green neon from all the eves in it's quaint little house like building and I slide inside over to the bar to meet my friend and have a nice sized whiskey in a big heavy glass. There's hardly anyone there and as we're munching on gorgonzola cheese and salmon cakes at the bar the last table empties out and one couple comes in - sure enough - it's the owner and his knockout date. So now it's just the four of us - along with Jonathan the bartender from Mississippi who got shot in the head while he was in the army - we're eating steak and quail, sipping cocktails and swapping stories like it's our own private bar. It's nearly midnight when we leave for a nightcap. Sipping absinthe in a bathrobe on the east balcony I feel just like Hugh Heffner - even if it's only for a night.
This morning I get up and get the paper from 7-11 to see me and the cast of the Bros. Grim show staring back at me from the front page of the metro section of the Dallas Morning News (see link above). The fire chief really didn't represent himself accurately or I should say truthfully to the press and there were a couple critical issues left out completely but all in all I think it was a really good issue to get out there in the public eye. But the photoshoot - well that was another story.
So we're about half way through the shoot on a public street in Dallas - when Amanda - the snake girl says - "guys, guys... the snake's bleeding." and sure enough - blood is pouring out of Queen Hartley's nose and mouth and running all down the front of the snake girl.
We get through with the shoot and go over to pick up Fred who has a snake show at the state fair for a snake exam on the grass of the Double Wide's parking lot.
It's not looking good and when I put Hartley in her cage for the night I'm thinking it may be the last time I see her alive.
But the next day she looks better and we take her to the vet who drains a huge absess in her side squirting blood everywhere. After all the gross stuff is over with - she's in her travel tank when some unsuspecting puppy lover walks in - spots her there and screams while nearly toppling a shelf of dog food. It was a magic moment.
So now it's my job to flush out the absess every day by pushing water inside the would and squeezing it out, then packing the gaping hole and wound inside with cream.
Last night when I was squeezing the blood out of her in the bathtub - she decided to push out a snake turd too. Oh yeah - it's everything you could hope for to make legions of teenage girls scream and throw up on each other.
But Hartley's gonna be okay and it's all worthwhile when for just one night I can shake off the snake blood and go out on the town in style.
Until the Next Time.
Tyler
