Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Dames & Diamonds
Hey Kids,
I'm cooking bacon for breakfast and enjoying kicking back at home if even for a few moments. The last week has been a wild whirlwind of shows. Last night I performed at a jewelrey store in SoHo for Alexis Bittar's one year anniversary party. He's this great designer of giant jewelery who started selling his stuff on the streets in NYC and suddenly he was on display at the Museum of Modern Art. Now he's got his own store in SoHo and decides - "Hey - I've had the store for a year - why not bring a fire eater to this tiny gallery packed shoulder to shoulder with people - who knows what could happen?" You've got to love it. The gallery was full of all kinds of people from old money Upper East Side ladies - to grungey East Villagers - I even met this one cat who's part of a gay rockabilly community - who knew?
But the real madness was at the New York Burlesque Festival. A whole weekend of dancing damsels strutting their stuff and partying with their pasties on. It all started Friday as soon as we got up from the Joey Ramone Birthday Bash - it was off to Southpaw in Brooklyn for the walk through. The Pontani Sisters had just flown back from Florida and suddenly it's go time to put on a weekend long festival with three sold out shows.
Friday night's show - the Premeire Party was a blast. When I showed up there was a line of people down the block waiting to get in and people out front asking, "Have you got an extra ticket?" "Does anybody have a miracle?" Just like at a Greatful Dead show. I snuck in the back door with Peaches N. Cream and made my way to the bar. It was already teeming with people and by the time the line let in - it was shoulder to shoulder madness you couldn't move at all. But why would you want to - the girls on stage are doing all the shaking and shimmying you could hope for. As amazing as the show was - the audience was pretty cool too, with burlesque beauties from all over the world kicking back - hanging out - talking carpet tape and eyelash glue - and getting reared up for a wild weekend of shows.
After the first 40 sets of dancing girls, I ducked out to a friend's apartment - Andy from Wassabasco Burlesque happens to live next door so we drank vodka and hot sauce with a handful of select showgirls before coming back to the party.
There were photographers everywhere and Monday morning somebody sent me a picture from the end of the night and I'm glad they did - because my memory of the finale is a little hazy.
But there's no rest for the ridiculous and Saturday morning I got up early to go up to Central Park and be security for Magic Brian who's been having a rivalry with the break dancers in the park. It was a beautiful sunny day in the park teeming with gorgeous women and beaming smiles - really an ideal afternoon. Turns out there were no problems that day - but just the concept of a sideshow fighting a breakdancing troup in Central Park is a great visual to get you through your day. Picture that when you're stuck in traffic on your way home.
By the time I get to walk through I'm finally pulling my head out of the hangover when suddenly I'm sucked bak into the world of the surreal as Peaches comes in painted all white with a leafy crown and a toga dressed as Gaya who's been dancing in the Earth Celebrations parade through all the community gardens in the Lower East Side.
We go home with just enough time to shower and shave - but too late to pick up my costume from the dry cleaners! And since I've been going straight through from one show to the next with barely any time for sleep - well I haven't exactly put together my patter for the show tonight either. So that's no costume and no lines - alrighty then - it's a brand new show. Let's rock.
I put on my newly bedazzled circus coat, write some jokes in the van on the way into the city and sure enough there's a line down the block once again and they're turning people away who want to buy tickets. Through the ropes and into the fray - I walk in just as the host Murray Hill takes the stage - as it happens wearing almost the same costume as I have - well as I have at the dry cleaners - there's a nice piece of luck. At the bar I discover that a cocktail is $10. Luckily - there are over 100 girls dancing tonight - so I'll find some way to amuse myself. Forcing my way through the packed crowd at Hiro Ballroom with it's curved wood ceilings and beautiful Japanese waitresses into the dressing room packed full of excited starlets in stockings getting changed for their acts. The girls get into their lingerie and we're off to the stage for the Secrets in Lace Fashion show. I take the microphone and the roar of 800 people in a packed ballroom watching me stick a condom in my nose is almost as overwhelming as the line of lucious lacey ladies in lingerie parading across the stage as I think to myself - I love my life.
The show goes on for hours and it's 4 am by the time we duck out and head downtown to the Moondance Diner for a late night snack.
Then with almost five hours of sleep - it's time to head to the harbour. This is dynamite - it's noon and we're loading in down the pier and across the gang plank onto the Queen of Hearts - an old timey paddlewheel boat docked on the west side in the Hudson River. You can see the sleep depravation taking it's toll on the showgirls and that hangovers on the high seas are going to be a cause for concern - but as the boat fills up - those glittery smiles come back - and there's a mellow excitement taking hold as we all get ready for the final day of shows. The bottom galley of the ship gets set up as a boutique with cute little girly tank tops and sequined pasties - and curiously enough a table of Lucky Devil Circus Sideshow merchandise. Then I see it - across the room - Dames Aflame from Atlanta is selling fire extinguishers with their logo. I introduce myself and tell them how much I love the idea - and I've got to have one to go with the fire extinguisher collection that we travel with. Yet I see in their eyes that they're not grasping the Tyler Fyre - fire eater - fire extinguisher connection. They keep telling me it'll look good in my kitchen and they don't see why I'm so excited about their cool ass Dames Aflame Extinguisher - nonetheless it's mine now!
The boat heaves off from the dock and out onto the Hudson River as the New York Blues Devils take the stage - and then I see her - the sexy trumpet player seems so familiar - and of course - how many sexy Asian trumpet players can there be in NYC - it's Kiku. They kick out a dynamite set and I'm fighting the urge to snack on the huge array of nibbles layed out on the table - because I'm still a little nervous about my act.
Rain pours down on the stretched canvas top and the Miss Astrid kicks off the show - it's so packed that I'm watching the show on TV monitors downstairs. Then I'm on deck - I duck out of line for a breath of fresh air in the pouring rain - and I'm walking through the crowd and onto the small rickety slanting stage - preparing to swallow swords on a moving boat. Before the show I checked out the stage that some of the girls were complaining about - it is small and slanty - but had been shimmed up with cardboard and woodchips so it was basically sturdy. Keeping positive - I said - "Oh, this stage isn't that bad - it will be fine." When one of the girls says, "Well Tyler Fyre, that's easy for you to say - you don't have to dance up there."
That's right - I don't have to dance - I'm about to swallow swords - on a moving boat.
"I do about 800 shows each year - and at each one I go out of my way to say how what I'm about to do is truly death-defying, dangerous, and deadly - well today I actually believe it."
Todd Robbins is lauging from his seat in the center of the room. The whole audience just gets it - I pull out the first sword and they're with me immediately - the energy on the boat is amazing. The audience is more than half performers and everyone's in a great mood - it's one of those truly magical moments.
The crowd goes nuts, the Manhattan skyline floats by through the grey mist of rain on the water and I'm trapped on a boat full of beautiful women.
I'm cooking bacon for breakfast and enjoying kicking back at home if even for a few moments. The last week has been a wild whirlwind of shows. Last night I performed at a jewelrey store in SoHo for Alexis Bittar's one year anniversary party. He's this great designer of giant jewelery who started selling his stuff on the streets in NYC and suddenly he was on display at the Museum of Modern Art. Now he's got his own store in SoHo and decides - "Hey - I've had the store for a year - why not bring a fire eater to this tiny gallery packed shoulder to shoulder with people - who knows what could happen?" You've got to love it. The gallery was full of all kinds of people from old money Upper East Side ladies - to grungey East Villagers - I even met this one cat who's part of a gay rockabilly community - who knew?
But the real madness was at the New York Burlesque Festival. A whole weekend of dancing damsels strutting their stuff and partying with their pasties on. It all started Friday as soon as we got up from the Joey Ramone Birthday Bash - it was off to Southpaw in Brooklyn for the walk through. The Pontani Sisters had just flown back from Florida and suddenly it's go time to put on a weekend long festival with three sold out shows.
Friday night's show - the Premeire Party was a blast. When I showed up there was a line of people down the block waiting to get in and people out front asking, "Have you got an extra ticket?" "Does anybody have a miracle?" Just like at a Greatful Dead show. I snuck in the back door with Peaches N. Cream and made my way to the bar. It was already teeming with people and by the time the line let in - it was shoulder to shoulder madness you couldn't move at all. But why would you want to - the girls on stage are doing all the shaking and shimmying you could hope for. As amazing as the show was - the audience was pretty cool too, with burlesque beauties from all over the world kicking back - hanging out - talking carpet tape and eyelash glue - and getting reared up for a wild weekend of shows.
After the first 40 sets of dancing girls, I ducked out to a friend's apartment - Andy from Wassabasco Burlesque happens to live next door so we drank vodka and hot sauce with a handful of select showgirls before coming back to the party.
There were photographers everywhere and Monday morning somebody sent me a picture from the end of the night and I'm glad they did - because my memory of the finale is a little hazy.
But there's no rest for the ridiculous and Saturday morning I got up early to go up to Central Park and be security for Magic Brian who's been having a rivalry with the break dancers in the park. It was a beautiful sunny day in the park teeming with gorgeous women and beaming smiles - really an ideal afternoon. Turns out there were no problems that day - but just the concept of a sideshow fighting a breakdancing troup in Central Park is a great visual to get you through your day. Picture that when you're stuck in traffic on your way home.
By the time I get to walk through I'm finally pulling my head out of the hangover when suddenly I'm sucked bak into the world of the surreal as Peaches comes in painted all white with a leafy crown and a toga dressed as Gaya who's been dancing in the Earth Celebrations parade through all the community gardens in the Lower East Side.
We go home with just enough time to shower and shave - but too late to pick up my costume from the dry cleaners! And since I've been going straight through from one show to the next with barely any time for sleep - well I haven't exactly put together my patter for the show tonight either. So that's no costume and no lines - alrighty then - it's a brand new show. Let's rock.
I put on my newly bedazzled circus coat, write some jokes in the van on the way into the city and sure enough there's a line down the block once again and they're turning people away who want to buy tickets. Through the ropes and into the fray - I walk in just as the host Murray Hill takes the stage - as it happens wearing almost the same costume as I have - well as I have at the dry cleaners - there's a nice piece of luck. At the bar I discover that a cocktail is $10. Luckily - there are over 100 girls dancing tonight - so I'll find some way to amuse myself. Forcing my way through the packed crowd at Hiro Ballroom with it's curved wood ceilings and beautiful Japanese waitresses into the dressing room packed full of excited starlets in stockings getting changed for their acts. The girls get into their lingerie and we're off to the stage for the Secrets in Lace Fashion show. I take the microphone and the roar of 800 people in a packed ballroom watching me stick a condom in my nose is almost as overwhelming as the line of lucious lacey ladies in lingerie parading across the stage as I think to myself - I love my life.
The show goes on for hours and it's 4 am by the time we duck out and head downtown to the Moondance Diner for a late night snack.
Then with almost five hours of sleep - it's time to head to the harbour. This is dynamite - it's noon and we're loading in down the pier and across the gang plank onto the Queen of Hearts - an old timey paddlewheel boat docked on the west side in the Hudson River. You can see the sleep depravation taking it's toll on the showgirls and that hangovers on the high seas are going to be a cause for concern - but as the boat fills up - those glittery smiles come back - and there's a mellow excitement taking hold as we all get ready for the final day of shows. The bottom galley of the ship gets set up as a boutique with cute little girly tank tops and sequined pasties - and curiously enough a table of Lucky Devil Circus Sideshow merchandise. Then I see it - across the room - Dames Aflame from Atlanta is selling fire extinguishers with their logo. I introduce myself and tell them how much I love the idea - and I've got to have one to go with the fire extinguisher collection that we travel with. Yet I see in their eyes that they're not grasping the Tyler Fyre - fire eater - fire extinguisher connection. They keep telling me it'll look good in my kitchen and they don't see why I'm so excited about their cool ass Dames Aflame Extinguisher - nonetheless it's mine now!
The boat heaves off from the dock and out onto the Hudson River as the New York Blues Devils take the stage - and then I see her - the sexy trumpet player seems so familiar - and of course - how many sexy Asian trumpet players can there be in NYC - it's Kiku. They kick out a dynamite set and I'm fighting the urge to snack on the huge array of nibbles layed out on the table - because I'm still a little nervous about my act.
Rain pours down on the stretched canvas top and the Miss Astrid kicks off the show - it's so packed that I'm watching the show on TV monitors downstairs. Then I'm on deck - I duck out of line for a breath of fresh air in the pouring rain - and I'm walking through the crowd and onto the small rickety slanting stage - preparing to swallow swords on a moving boat. Before the show I checked out the stage that some of the girls were complaining about - it is small and slanty - but had been shimmed up with cardboard and woodchips so it was basically sturdy. Keeping positive - I said - "Oh, this stage isn't that bad - it will be fine." When one of the girls says, "Well Tyler Fyre, that's easy for you to say - you don't have to dance up there."
That's right - I don't have to dance - I'm about to swallow swords - on a moving boat.
"I do about 800 shows each year - and at each one I go out of my way to say how what I'm about to do is truly death-defying, dangerous, and deadly - well today I actually believe it."
Todd Robbins is lauging from his seat in the center of the room. The whole audience just gets it - I pull out the first sword and they're with me immediately - the energy on the boat is amazing. The audience is more than half performers and everyone's in a great mood - it's one of those truly magical moments.
The crowd goes nuts, the Manhattan skyline floats by through the grey mist of rain on the water and I'm trapped on a boat full of beautiful women.
