Thursday, June 23, 2005
Hip Hop Hooray!
Hey Kids,
I just got home from a wild hip hop party where I performed for Puff Daddy. What, you ask, was Tyler Fyre doing at a hip hop party? Well let me tell you - this party was banging (see - I'm already learning the language.)
So yesterday a dynamite agent I worked with years ago - called me and asked me if I was interested in this last minute gig - I say sure and she had me book it direct because she said she didn't want anything to do with it. Warning Flag number one. Cool because I'm no longer paying a commision - but makes me a little bit wary about what am I getting myself into?
I've got a quick date with a cute trumpet player then I show up at the club for my gig. There's a full on red carpet with a photo backdrop and paparrazzi like crazy. I sneak in the side door with my gear. I'm sure they're all big stars - but I don't think I would recognize Little Kim if she were in front of me on her knees.
I get decked out in my red suit from Harlem and shuttled off into the VIP room to perform a special sword swallowing set for Wendy Williams. She turns away from her interview with the Daily News to pull the giant cobra sword out of my throat. She's playing it cool - but I can see by the "wow" in her eyes that she loves it.
As I'm bringing my giant Devil sword board out of the crowded lounge - I pass Puffy who says "Cool man."
Back in the dressing room - I'm hanging out with the body painted go-go girls and I'm starting to like hip-hop. My cell phone is blowing up with text messages from Detroit and LA and as I text back I'm feeling so hip-hop culture.
Hanging out by the office - which doubles as my dressing room - I'm the only white guy with a suit on in the club and people keep talking to me and asking me questions like I'm the owner. I like my costumes to make me stand out from the crowd - but this takes it to a whole other level. It's pretty cool - it's like wearing a hot suit gets me instant respect with the hip-hoppers because everywhere I go people are tapping me on the shoulder and shaking my hand whether they know who I am or not.
My next set is on the main dance floor and I'm loving it. The new flaming sword is dynamite - I'm working a 360 degree stage and it's so much fun. I can't believe I had to follow the topless glitter flame body painted girls and it's working!
After my show - I hang out for a cool drink and make a couple new friends. All the while - greatful that I got a first hand glimpse into a world that would otherwise be restricted to MTV.
Wendy Williams - I love you.
I love the rest of you too.
You Rock,
Tyler
And now that you know the intimate details of my life - why not let me in on yours?
Tyler Fyre
tyler@tylerfyre.com
Send funny jokes, big checks, and small panties to:
2970 Ocean Ave. C-2
Brooklyn, NY 11235
I just got home from a wild hip hop party where I performed for Puff Daddy. What, you ask, was Tyler Fyre doing at a hip hop party? Well let me tell you - this party was banging (see - I'm already learning the language.)
So yesterday a dynamite agent I worked with years ago - called me and asked me if I was interested in this last minute gig - I say sure and she had me book it direct because she said she didn't want anything to do with it. Warning Flag number one. Cool because I'm no longer paying a commision - but makes me a little bit wary about what am I getting myself into?
I've got a quick date with a cute trumpet player then I show up at the club for my gig. There's a full on red carpet with a photo backdrop and paparrazzi like crazy. I sneak in the side door with my gear. I'm sure they're all big stars - but I don't think I would recognize Little Kim if she were in front of me on her knees.
I get decked out in my red suit from Harlem and shuttled off into the VIP room to perform a special sword swallowing set for Wendy Williams. She turns away from her interview with the Daily News to pull the giant cobra sword out of my throat. She's playing it cool - but I can see by the "wow" in her eyes that she loves it.
As I'm bringing my giant Devil sword board out of the crowded lounge - I pass Puffy who says "Cool man."
Back in the dressing room - I'm hanging out with the body painted go-go girls and I'm starting to like hip-hop. My cell phone is blowing up with text messages from Detroit and LA and as I text back I'm feeling so hip-hop culture.
Hanging out by the office - which doubles as my dressing room - I'm the only white guy with a suit on in the club and people keep talking to me and asking me questions like I'm the owner. I like my costumes to make me stand out from the crowd - but this takes it to a whole other level. It's pretty cool - it's like wearing a hot suit gets me instant respect with the hip-hoppers because everywhere I go people are tapping me on the shoulder and shaking my hand whether they know who I am or not.
My next set is on the main dance floor and I'm loving it. The new flaming sword is dynamite - I'm working a 360 degree stage and it's so much fun. I can't believe I had to follow the topless glitter flame body painted girls and it's working!
After my show - I hang out for a cool drink and make a couple new friends. All the while - greatful that I got a first hand glimpse into a world that would otherwise be restricted to MTV.
Wendy Williams - I love you.
I love the rest of you too.
You Rock,
Tyler
And now that you know the intimate details of my life - why not let me in on yours?
Tyler Fyre
tyler@tylerfyre.com
Send funny jokes, big checks, and small panties to:
2970 Ocean Ave. C-2
Brooklyn, NY 11235
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Bikini Girls with Machine Guns
There’s a naked dancer brushing her teeth in front of me staring out the hotel window over the Vegas strip. So what am I doing on the computer? She’s not mine – we’re just getting ready to get steak and lobster dinner before seeing Lance Burton. Shadows are getting long outside as dusk takes over the mountains in the distance and the shining lights of the Sahara take over.
It’s been nothing short of another dynamite day. After a killer buffet breakfast of sausage biscuits & gravy, we took to the midway here at Circus Circus to win some fancy plush at the carnival games. It’s fascinating to see middle-aged Asian jointees running the games and to play games that aren’t gaffed – it’s a whole other world out here. Then there’s the Canyon Blaster – an indoor roller coaster that wraps through the other amusement park rides in a giant red see-through dome so that from the top hill of the coaster you can look out on all of Vegas before spiraling down into the twin loops – through the rock canyon – and out into twin corkscrews before plunging down into darkness as windblown tears stream back from my eyes.
We duck into Westward Ho, the last hold out of casinos owned by a single person instead of a mega-corporation, for a 99 cent beer – but stop off at the Roulette Table to triple my money while drinking for free.
But all this is just a warm up for the big event of the day. We’re going to shoot machine guns. It’s boys day out – we’ve all been at Exotic World all weekend with the best of the burlesque girls from around the world and we’ve loved every minute of it – but now it’s time to shake the glitter out of our boots and rock it.
So Noah Brooklyn and I pick up Rob DT over at the Sahara and head off to the Gun Store. We’re all from Brooklyn – yet none of us have ever shot a handgun – so we walk into the firearm emporium and start picking out guns. I’ve got a 357 Magnum, Rob picks out the Army issue Beretta, and Noah goes for the Glock, After pulling us all in close and asking, “Now none of you are Arabs are you?” We all pick out targets of hoodlums, spies, and kidnappers amongst our choices of Osama Bin Laden or Saadam Hussein.
They give us our own gun range away from the general public and our pick of ridiculous targets – Suddenly we’ve each got a handgun and a box of ammo and we’re loading up and blasting away. It’s awesome – that big metal monster kicking back and blowing holes into the printed stick up man in front of me. But how can we take this seriously? We’re all taking turns – switching guns – shooting the kidnapped girl on the target – and trying to shoot off the clips that hold on the paper target.
Walking up to the counter to turn our guns – I sound like a tap dancer because I’ve got spent shells stuck in the soles of my flame boots. So as I’m picking out my next toy – pulling shells out of my boots. There’s a whole wall of assault rifles on the wall and I don’t even know what to pick – so I ask – what’s a fun machine gun to shoot – you know – a big one? Maybe an AK-47 or an M-16. He says, “Well we’ve got both – do you want to shoot the gun of the winners or the losers?” The level of patriotism in the gun store is staggering.
So I’ve got an M-16 in my hands and I’m about to unload on a target guy that looks like Richard Pryor with a shotgun – but they hang him upside down as the range marshall explains to me because most people aim for the head and just pull back the trigger – the kickback gets away from them and they end up shooting holes in the ceiling.
None of that for us – I’m blasting holes in Gangster Richard Pryor and so is Peaches N. Cream – who’s taking a turn on the machine gun. She went to pick out her own but she said, “I don’t know which one to pick – I want one that's cute and matches my outfit.” Gotta love showgirls. But she looks good with an M-16 and is a pretty good shot too.
Next up the Beretta 9mm Assault Rifle with an internal laser scope. This thing is awesome – you can’t see the laser dot on the target – but you can in the scope – and we’re back to shooting the kidnapper and his victim.
Accuracy is fun – but we’re here to shoot machine guns – and say hello to my little friend – we’re shooting an Uzi. Noah talks the guy into turning the target right side up – and it’s on. We’re blasting the numbers off our paper enemy – posing for pictures – ricocheting shells off the walls – and trading off shots. As we’re pulling the last target back in – we ask the gun range marshall, “ So how’d we do for a few boys from Brooklyn?” He said, “Not bad, You shoot better than most of the Police out here.”
Las Vegas Police – we love you – this town kicks ass.
It’s been nothing short of another dynamite day. After a killer buffet breakfast of sausage biscuits & gravy, we took to the midway here at Circus Circus to win some fancy plush at the carnival games. It’s fascinating to see middle-aged Asian jointees running the games and to play games that aren’t gaffed – it’s a whole other world out here. Then there’s the Canyon Blaster – an indoor roller coaster that wraps through the other amusement park rides in a giant red see-through dome so that from the top hill of the coaster you can look out on all of Vegas before spiraling down into the twin loops – through the rock canyon – and out into twin corkscrews before plunging down into darkness as windblown tears stream back from my eyes.
We duck into Westward Ho, the last hold out of casinos owned by a single person instead of a mega-corporation, for a 99 cent beer – but stop off at the Roulette Table to triple my money while drinking for free.
But all this is just a warm up for the big event of the day. We’re going to shoot machine guns. It’s boys day out – we’ve all been at Exotic World all weekend with the best of the burlesque girls from around the world and we’ve loved every minute of it – but now it’s time to shake the glitter out of our boots and rock it.
So Noah Brooklyn and I pick up Rob DT over at the Sahara and head off to the Gun Store. We’re all from Brooklyn – yet none of us have ever shot a handgun – so we walk into the firearm emporium and start picking out guns. I’ve got a 357 Magnum, Rob picks out the Army issue Beretta, and Noah goes for the Glock, After pulling us all in close and asking, “Now none of you are Arabs are you?” We all pick out targets of hoodlums, spies, and kidnappers amongst our choices of Osama Bin Laden or Saadam Hussein.
They give us our own gun range away from the general public and our pick of ridiculous targets – Suddenly we’ve each got a handgun and a box of ammo and we’re loading up and blasting away. It’s awesome – that big metal monster kicking back and blowing holes into the printed stick up man in front of me. But how can we take this seriously? We’re all taking turns – switching guns – shooting the kidnapped girl on the target – and trying to shoot off the clips that hold on the paper target.
Walking up to the counter to turn our guns – I sound like a tap dancer because I’ve got spent shells stuck in the soles of my flame boots. So as I’m picking out my next toy – pulling shells out of my boots. There’s a whole wall of assault rifles on the wall and I don’t even know what to pick – so I ask – what’s a fun machine gun to shoot – you know – a big one? Maybe an AK-47 or an M-16. He says, “Well we’ve got both – do you want to shoot the gun of the winners or the losers?” The level of patriotism in the gun store is staggering.
So I’ve got an M-16 in my hands and I’m about to unload on a target guy that looks like Richard Pryor with a shotgun – but they hang him upside down as the range marshall explains to me because most people aim for the head and just pull back the trigger – the kickback gets away from them and they end up shooting holes in the ceiling.
None of that for us – I’m blasting holes in Gangster Richard Pryor and so is Peaches N. Cream – who’s taking a turn on the machine gun. She went to pick out her own but she said, “I don’t know which one to pick – I want one that's cute and matches my outfit.” Gotta love showgirls. But she looks good with an M-16 and is a pretty good shot too.
Next up the Beretta 9mm Assault Rifle with an internal laser scope. This thing is awesome – you can’t see the laser dot on the target – but you can in the scope – and we’re back to shooting the kidnapper and his victim.
Accuracy is fun – but we’re here to shoot machine guns – and say hello to my little friend – we’re shooting an Uzi. Noah talks the guy into turning the target right side up – and it’s on. We’re blasting the numbers off our paper enemy – posing for pictures – ricocheting shells off the walls – and trading off shots. As we’re pulling the last target back in – we ask the gun range marshall, “ So how’d we do for a few boys from Brooklyn?” He said, “Not bad, You shoot better than most of the Police out here.”
Las Vegas Police – we love you – this town kicks ass.
