Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Blow Me Down
So the Hold Steady sings this song - Killer Parties Nearly Killed Me - about partying in Ybor City, FL - and we partied in Ybor City last night. Will Darke and I cllimbed a stainless steel statue in the middle of a fountain in the rain at 4am - but it didn't kill us - might even have made us stronger - and we were going to need it.
The road crew had the tent up when i got to the arena today - but no stakes - we're on astroturf so they used giant barrels of water to tie off the big top - which was all fine while the sun was shining.
Ken Harck - our fearless leader - said earlier in the day "There's two things I fear in life. Wind and Rain. We got it all.
From the flap of the big top - I watched every other tent blow away - FYE, Jager, the paintball arena - all blown away - as water poured down the big top and we stayed open with the canvas billowing in the breeze - watching the barrels of water slide across the astroturf.
We all took turns running around tying down loose straps and pushing the bags of water out of the corners of the tent -but it stayed up and the show never stopped.
One day of Florida left - let's see if Killer Parties kill any of us?
The road crew had the tent up when i got to the arena today - but no stakes - we're on astroturf so they used giant barrels of water to tie off the big top - which was all fine while the sun was shining.
Ken Harck - our fearless leader - said earlier in the day "There's two things I fear in life. Wind and Rain. We got it all.
From the flap of the big top - I watched every other tent blow away - FYE, Jager, the paintball arena - all blown away - as water poured down the big top and we stayed open with the canvas billowing in the breeze - watching the barrels of water slide across the astroturf.
We all took turns running around tying down loose straps and pushing the bags of water out of the corners of the tent -but it stayed up and the show never stopped.
One day of Florida left - let's see if Killer Parties kill any of us?
Family Values
Back on the road - feels like I never left. Only a handful of days back at Casa Fyre in Brooklyn - a couple here and a couple there and maybe another day someday.
Lucky Devil went back out on the road again and it was great to have the team back together again. Magic Brian - I've got to say I miss him every time I'm on a show without him, Ekaterina - hands down the best contortionist I've ever worked with and such a sweetheart, The Peach - red headed daredevilina, and Albert Cadabra - on stage in Brooklyn at our old buddy the late great chopper builder and motorcycle stuntman Indian Larry's Grease Monkey Block Party.
We showed up saw our biker buddies and hit the stage first thing in the day to tear it up - and it felt so good to have the crew back onstage together. We had a blast at the show and it was bound to happen - Lucky Devil's first Chainsaw accident.
Peaches was on the bed of nails and as the watermelon was just about cut through down to her bare belly - her finger slipped off the juicey melon and up into the running chainsaw blade. She's a champ and clinched her bleeding hand in a ball - finished the act - stood up - took a bow and walked off stage smiling.
We patched her up - and as Grindergirl came on stage - we packed up the van and headed down to Atlantic City to play the Cigar Gala at the baseball stadium. It felt righteous to load in through the gate, past the shopping carts of baseballs, and the spare bases lined up in a row, past the field chalk line marker, and out across the grass to centerfield to set up on our stage.
We drank fine whiskey - a new favorite called Swing - which has a bottle shaped like a beautiful bottom with a curved base that swings back and forth so it won't fall off the shelf on a rocking cruise ship - and smoked fancy cigars - put on our fancy suits and swung with the high rollers all afternoon.
We took Cadabra to the bus station - had a fun and exciting meeting with the local cops - who couldn't have been nicer to a van full of well indulged sideshow folk - and headed to our room at the sweet suite at the Resorts.
After an hour at the high stakes roulette table my number came in and I found myself one dollar ahead of where I started - so we cashed out and went exploring. It was a beautiful night inside and out - so before the sun came up we went back up to our room and I called into my buddies at the Bros. Grim Sideshow who were playing Bristow, VA outside DC the next day.
We went to go visit them - but the manager called and said the show was cancelled that day - but would I come back out on the road and finish the tour with them?
How could I say no to the best all star sideshow cast ever put together playing a sold out arena tour?
So with just an overnight bag packed for AC - we drove straight out and met the crew half way - I pulled my gear out of the Lucky Devil van - and loaded it up with Bros. Grim - said goodbye to the Peach and was back on tour.
It was so great to see the road dogs again. We hit my stash of moonshine for our reacquaintence and we all went to DC to drink with my favorite bartender The Gypsy before leaving out early in the morning.
Since we took the night to party in DC - which was unquestionably amazing and made me so happy to see my favorite and my friends again - we had to drive hard all day long at almost 100 mph to make it to Tampa by midnight.
We pulled into the St. Pete Times Forum to see our canvas all laid out and ready to raise the big top in front of the arena.
I climbed on the new RV (apparently while I was gone a wreck took the lives of our truck, crew trailer, and our brand new Ritz Carlton tour bus) but it's not the vehicles - it's the cast and crew I love - the big top, the show, and of couse the crowds.
William Darke and I are drinking a cold beer and relaxing before thousands of rock & rollers roll into the stadium in the morning.
It's great to be home.
Home under the big top.
Home on the road.
Home with the family.
Lucky Devil went back out on the road again and it was great to have the team back together again. Magic Brian - I've got to say I miss him every time I'm on a show without him, Ekaterina - hands down the best contortionist I've ever worked with and such a sweetheart, The Peach - red headed daredevilina, and Albert Cadabra - on stage in Brooklyn at our old buddy the late great chopper builder and motorcycle stuntman Indian Larry's Grease Monkey Block Party.
We showed up saw our biker buddies and hit the stage first thing in the day to tear it up - and it felt so good to have the crew back onstage together. We had a blast at the show and it was bound to happen - Lucky Devil's first Chainsaw accident.
Peaches was on the bed of nails and as the watermelon was just about cut through down to her bare belly - her finger slipped off the juicey melon and up into the running chainsaw blade. She's a champ and clinched her bleeding hand in a ball - finished the act - stood up - took a bow and walked off stage smiling.
We patched her up - and as Grindergirl came on stage - we packed up the van and headed down to Atlantic City to play the Cigar Gala at the baseball stadium. It felt righteous to load in through the gate, past the shopping carts of baseballs, and the spare bases lined up in a row, past the field chalk line marker, and out across the grass to centerfield to set up on our stage.
We drank fine whiskey - a new favorite called Swing - which has a bottle shaped like a beautiful bottom with a curved base that swings back and forth so it won't fall off the shelf on a rocking cruise ship - and smoked fancy cigars - put on our fancy suits and swung with the high rollers all afternoon.
We took Cadabra to the bus station - had a fun and exciting meeting with the local cops - who couldn't have been nicer to a van full of well indulged sideshow folk - and headed to our room at the sweet suite at the Resorts.
After an hour at the high stakes roulette table my number came in and I found myself one dollar ahead of where I started - so we cashed out and went exploring. It was a beautiful night inside and out - so before the sun came up we went back up to our room and I called into my buddies at the Bros. Grim Sideshow who were playing Bristow, VA outside DC the next day.
We went to go visit them - but the manager called and said the show was cancelled that day - but would I come back out on the road and finish the tour with them?
How could I say no to the best all star sideshow cast ever put together playing a sold out arena tour?
So with just an overnight bag packed for AC - we drove straight out and met the crew half way - I pulled my gear out of the Lucky Devil van - and loaded it up with Bros. Grim - said goodbye to the Peach and was back on tour.
It was so great to see the road dogs again. We hit my stash of moonshine for our reacquaintence and we all went to DC to drink with my favorite bartender The Gypsy before leaving out early in the morning.
Since we took the night to party in DC - which was unquestionably amazing and made me so happy to see my favorite and my friends again - we had to drive hard all day long at almost 100 mph to make it to Tampa by midnight.
We pulled into the St. Pete Times Forum to see our canvas all laid out and ready to raise the big top in front of the arena.
I climbed on the new RV (apparently while I was gone a wreck took the lives of our truck, crew trailer, and our brand new Ritz Carlton tour bus) but it's not the vehicles - it's the cast and crew I love - the big top, the show, and of couse the crowds.
William Darke and I are drinking a cold beer and relaxing before thousands of rock & rollers roll into the stadium in the morning.
It's great to be home.
Home under the big top.
Home on the road.
Home with the family.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Sexy Shoes
August 3, 2006
We’re rolling through the mountains of West Virginia on our way to Charleston. I climbed out of my bunk around 2 o’clock this afternoon and since Ken can’t work the VCR, he asks me to put in a tape. The ferris wheel turns and carnival lights whirl – we’re watching another freak porno.
I’ve taken a few days off the bus and staying at home while we were in the Northeast – so last night it was back to rock and roll party time. New Haven, Connecticut.
We played a cool joint – legendary old rock club – Toad’s Place – everyone’s played there. Todd Rundgren, the Rolling Stones, Madonna, man, the list of names painted on the walls goes on and on – and when you’re playing the same stage as the Stones. Well you’ve gotta go party after the show.
The crowd was awesome – packed and chanting “Start The Show…” at 3 minutes past our scheduled start time. Some guy bought me a shot of Jager at the bar at intermission and it just never stopped. After the show Danyella autographed that guy’s ass. I signed some sexy boobs, and we finished off the bottle of Jager and the cases of beer they put in our dressing room. And then we started to kick off the rock and roll party. I pulled out a second bottle of Jager and Angela Ryan pulled out another. We drank all three. It’s a miracle we got our gear out of the club at all – and I had three girls – but one of them turned sour about having to share and beat me like wild. She was just a little skinny girl – so it was kind of fun – until she hit me in the face with her shoe – but I was in such a good mood – nothing could bother me.
We’re rolling through the mountains of West Virginia on our way to Charleston. I climbed out of my bunk around 2 o’clock this afternoon and since Ken can’t work the VCR, he asks me to put in a tape. The ferris wheel turns and carnival lights whirl – we’re watching another freak porno.
I’ve taken a few days off the bus and staying at home while we were in the Northeast – so last night it was back to rock and roll party time. New Haven, Connecticut.
We played a cool joint – legendary old rock club – Toad’s Place – everyone’s played there. Todd Rundgren, the Rolling Stones, Madonna, man, the list of names painted on the walls goes on and on – and when you’re playing the same stage as the Stones. Well you’ve gotta go party after the show.
The crowd was awesome – packed and chanting “Start The Show…” at 3 minutes past our scheduled start time. Some guy bought me a shot of Jager at the bar at intermission and it just never stopped. After the show Danyella autographed that guy’s ass. I signed some sexy boobs, and we finished off the bottle of Jager and the cases of beer they put in our dressing room. And then we started to kick off the rock and roll party. I pulled out a second bottle of Jager and Angela Ryan pulled out another. We drank all three. It’s a miracle we got our gear out of the club at all – and I had three girls – but one of them turned sour about having to share and beat me like wild. She was just a little skinny girl – so it was kind of fun – until she hit me in the face with her shoe – but I was in such a good mood – nothing could bother me.
Back in Town
August 9, 2006
Runway lights blinking through the little window at me remind me that we’re still on the ground. Raleigh, North Carolina. I’m flying out to DC to hang out with a friend for a few days before going to West Palm Beach for the final OZZ Fest of the summer. Maybe ever.
It was wild being in Raleigh today. When was it – ten years ago? Almost – in 1997 I was here for the whole summer. I left NYC with the summer off college and came to stay with my sister in Durham. Trolling about for a summer job amongst the auto part stores and ice cream shops – I found an ad for a costume mascot at an amusement park. On my application I listed fire-eater & juggler as my experience – and John, the owner of the park – Silver Lake Water Park - said I may as well just do my own show there.
Cool – but I didn’t actually have a show yet. So I ran out to the magic store, the juggling store, the hardware store – made a bunch of props and showed up the next day.
It was a great summer – my “costume” was the same as every other employee of the waterpark – a red swimsuit. I rode my motorcycle to work in the morning - got tanned during the day and drunk on the lake at night – it was awesome.
Well, I still had to be a costume mascot in between my 5 shows a day – and prep chili dogs for the concession stand too. But it was show biz (kind of) and it was awesome.
The summer ended and I strapped my one bag to my ’66 Triumph and rode back to NYC to finish school. At the end of another grueling year – I decided to leave New York again – but before I did I went for a walk on the beach and happened past the Coney Island Circus Sideshow. I knocked on the door and stayed for another 7 years before I went back out on the road a couple years ago.
It seems like so long ago that I ate fire on the beach in a red swimsuit – and I wouldn’t trade in that summer for anything.
This time I pulled into Raleigh on our tour bus – drank a cold beer before breakfast and stepped off the bus into the sweet southern summer sun. The big top was already set up - as the crew hung up the last banners and I stepped on stage I wondered if I’d see anyone from that summer – but it was so long ago and I’ve been traveling the country and haven’t really kept in touch with anyone. I’d hoped that my Mom or some of the family would come out to the show – but when you’re too busy traveling to make holidays and birthdays for anyone else – I guess it’s only fair.
Instead I met two kids who said they skipped school today to come to the show and watched the sideshow 3 times in a row. I kissed pretty girls, shook hands, met cool people, and had thousands of people in front of me.
Seems amazing that it’s the same town and the same life. My only complaints now are that there were no more seats in first class and that my plane is still on the ground. That and I miss the waterslide.
Thanks John – really it’s all thanks to you. And it couldn’t be better.
Runway lights blinking through the little window at me remind me that we’re still on the ground. Raleigh, North Carolina. I’m flying out to DC to hang out with a friend for a few days before going to West Palm Beach for the final OZZ Fest of the summer. Maybe ever.
It was wild being in Raleigh today. When was it – ten years ago? Almost – in 1997 I was here for the whole summer. I left NYC with the summer off college and came to stay with my sister in Durham. Trolling about for a summer job amongst the auto part stores and ice cream shops – I found an ad for a costume mascot at an amusement park. On my application I listed fire-eater & juggler as my experience – and John, the owner of the park – Silver Lake Water Park - said I may as well just do my own show there.
Cool – but I didn’t actually have a show yet. So I ran out to the magic store, the juggling store, the hardware store – made a bunch of props and showed up the next day.
It was a great summer – my “costume” was the same as every other employee of the waterpark – a red swimsuit. I rode my motorcycle to work in the morning - got tanned during the day and drunk on the lake at night – it was awesome.
Well, I still had to be a costume mascot in between my 5 shows a day – and prep chili dogs for the concession stand too. But it was show biz (kind of) and it was awesome.
The summer ended and I strapped my one bag to my ’66 Triumph and rode back to NYC to finish school. At the end of another grueling year – I decided to leave New York again – but before I did I went for a walk on the beach and happened past the Coney Island Circus Sideshow. I knocked on the door and stayed for another 7 years before I went back out on the road a couple years ago.
It seems like so long ago that I ate fire on the beach in a red swimsuit – and I wouldn’t trade in that summer for anything.
This time I pulled into Raleigh on our tour bus – drank a cold beer before breakfast and stepped off the bus into the sweet southern summer sun. The big top was already set up - as the crew hung up the last banners and I stepped on stage I wondered if I’d see anyone from that summer – but it was so long ago and I’ve been traveling the country and haven’t really kept in touch with anyone. I’d hoped that my Mom or some of the family would come out to the show – but when you’re too busy traveling to make holidays and birthdays for anyone else – I guess it’s only fair.
Instead I met two kids who said they skipped school today to come to the show and watched the sideshow 3 times in a row. I kissed pretty girls, shook hands, met cool people, and had thousands of people in front of me.
Seems amazing that it’s the same town and the same life. My only complaints now are that there were no more seats in first class and that my plane is still on the ground. That and I miss the waterslide.
Thanks John – really it’s all thanks to you. And it couldn’t be better.
One More Day
August 12, 2006
Bright orange sunset beams in from the far side of the plane deep down below us on the western horizon. My window looks down on an even floor of white clouds far below. Flying out of DC down to West Palm Beach, Florida for the last and final date on Ozz Fest – though not our last day of tour. I almost don’t know how to feel about it. I can’t believe we’re so close to making it through a Bros. Grim tour that has all gone relatively well.
Ozz Fest has been amazing – but we’re carny to the core and we’ve been outsiders on this whole tour – never really hanging out with the bands – and keeping our own schedule.
I have barely felt like I’m on tour for two weeks now – ducking out after the shows – not sleeping on the bus with the cast – but going home when we played the Northeast and sleeping on the gym mats at home with the dog and the Peach.
This last week I’ve been staying in DC with my new favorite and today it’s back on the road again – but really we’re so close.
One week from today I fly home to NYC to start my new life.
A couple years ago I went out on the road for four months straight – a third of a year – and so much changes. It’s a miracle that I’ve been blessed with success in show biz at all – but that tour Danyella de Meaux told me – “Touring ruined every great love affair I ever had.”
I came home from that tour to find that my girlfriend had broken up with me – lost 40 pounds and repainted the apartment.
I’ve come so close so many times. It’s a miracle that I have even a portion of the wonderful life I have now. But it’s all about to change and who knows what can happen?
The Peach is still there – but our house is being packed up as I continue taking on the world one state at a time – and by the time I come home – it will all be boxes if it’s there at all.
It seems she’s found us a new apartment in a new neighborhood – which is very exciting – but amazing to think that I never really get to go home again. But that’s the gypsy life – and I can’t help but just feel lucky to be living at all.
She’s found us a new apartment and I’ve found us a new partner – the Gypsy. Who will be at home waiting for me when I fly back home from tour.
So after three magical days in DC partying and barely leaving the house at all except for food and drinks and dog walking – we’ve been holed up and hiding out from the world and it’s been wonderful.
Now I’m soaring south through the night sky for one more Ozz Fest. I’m a little sick with a sore throat – and can’t help but worry about that with my job as the talker and the sword swallower with 12 shows to go tomorrow.
Ozz has been just that - a magical trip through a magical land. All of us are just happy to show up and be there every day – to see thousands of people line up waiting to get in to the show in the morning. Eat catering and clean up in the shower trailers with all the bands every day.
It’s a far drift from what I imagined this tour would be like – but how could sideshow go anything but strange?
Bright orange sunset beams in from the far side of the plane deep down below us on the western horizon. My window looks down on an even floor of white clouds far below. Flying out of DC down to West Palm Beach, Florida for the last and final date on Ozz Fest – though not our last day of tour. I almost don’t know how to feel about it. I can’t believe we’re so close to making it through a Bros. Grim tour that has all gone relatively well.
Ozz Fest has been amazing – but we’re carny to the core and we’ve been outsiders on this whole tour – never really hanging out with the bands – and keeping our own schedule.
I have barely felt like I’m on tour for two weeks now – ducking out after the shows – not sleeping on the bus with the cast – but going home when we played the Northeast and sleeping on the gym mats at home with the dog and the Peach.
This last week I’ve been staying in DC with my new favorite and today it’s back on the road again – but really we’re so close.
One week from today I fly home to NYC to start my new life.
A couple years ago I went out on the road for four months straight – a third of a year – and so much changes. It’s a miracle that I’ve been blessed with success in show biz at all – but that tour Danyella de Meaux told me – “Touring ruined every great love affair I ever had.”
I came home from that tour to find that my girlfriend had broken up with me – lost 40 pounds and repainted the apartment.
I’ve come so close so many times. It’s a miracle that I have even a portion of the wonderful life I have now. But it’s all about to change and who knows what can happen?
The Peach is still there – but our house is being packed up as I continue taking on the world one state at a time – and by the time I come home – it will all be boxes if it’s there at all.
It seems she’s found us a new apartment in a new neighborhood – which is very exciting – but amazing to think that I never really get to go home again. But that’s the gypsy life – and I can’t help but just feel lucky to be living at all.
She’s found us a new apartment and I’ve found us a new partner – the Gypsy. Who will be at home waiting for me when I fly back home from tour.
So after three magical days in DC partying and barely leaving the house at all except for food and drinks and dog walking – we’ve been holed up and hiding out from the world and it’s been wonderful.
Now I’m soaring south through the night sky for one more Ozz Fest. I’m a little sick with a sore throat – and can’t help but worry about that with my job as the talker and the sword swallower with 12 shows to go tomorrow.
Ozz has been just that - a magical trip through a magical land. All of us are just happy to show up and be there every day – to see thousands of people line up waiting to get in to the show in the morning. Eat catering and clean up in the shower trailers with all the bands every day.
It’s a far drift from what I imagined this tour would be like – but how could sideshow go anything but strange?
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Indy Indie
Hey Kids,
The big reg ball of flame that heats our planet is sinking beneath the green horizon of middle America outside the tour bus window - we're pulling out of Indianapolis, Indiana and headed to Pikeville Kentucky.
Today was our best day on Ozz Fest so far.
It's miraculous - I woke up pretty bummed out today. Last night I got the call that my old partner - who helped break me into the carnival business - Bushell Basket Johnny od'd and died yesterday. No matter how many times it happens - it never stops sucking and even when you think it wouldn't be a surprise - it always is. And it never seems to get easier.
Johnny and I were parners in crime a long time ago - he taught me a lot about the carnival business - and helped me out of a bunch of hard times. Looking back on it I guess it was hard times all the time - but it never seemed to matter.
Really - looking back on it - it seems like it was a blast.
But I got out - and Johnny never did.
Every now and then I would still get the call about a great score that we could get so easy - but I guessed I missed my chance to go out on one more crazy run with Johnny.
We sold inflatable baseball bats on the train on the way to Yankee Stadium during the World Series -
Scored a bunch of knock of over cats from a deserted carnival -
And benches from an abandoned church -
Which are actually the seats now when you go to the Coney Island Museum.
One winter we worked a flat store (gambling carnival game for you non-carnies) in Times Square - and it was always fun.
It was always a party. I remember Johnny sending a bum to go get him a bottle of Vodka from the liquor store and drinking the whole bottle in one shot.
We would hustle and scheme - but we never hurt anyone - and even if we left with your money - chances are you left smiling. Johnny taught me that.
But again - I got out - and Johnny didn't.
He worked the carnival games across the street from me in Coney Island when I was at the sideshow - and he was hands down the best agent I've ever seen work a mark.
Always smiling and always going home with all their money.
So I woke up still upset that when I go home - in just a few days - we play New York - I was supposed to see him - it's just not going to happen.
But Johnny wouldn't want me upset - or anyone else - so I put on my costume and drank a beer early in the morning - and went to the show to do what Johnny taught me. The carny tradition. G.T.F.M. Get Their Fucking Money. And today we sold the more tickets to the show and I brought in more money on the blade box pitch than we ever have before on this show.
Thanks Johnny.
It's all for you.
The big reg ball of flame that heats our planet is sinking beneath the green horizon of middle America outside the tour bus window - we're pulling out of Indianapolis, Indiana and headed to Pikeville Kentucky.
Today was our best day on Ozz Fest so far.
It's miraculous - I woke up pretty bummed out today. Last night I got the call that my old partner - who helped break me into the carnival business - Bushell Basket Johnny od'd and died yesterday. No matter how many times it happens - it never stops sucking and even when you think it wouldn't be a surprise - it always is. And it never seems to get easier.
Johnny and I were parners in crime a long time ago - he taught me a lot about the carnival business - and helped me out of a bunch of hard times. Looking back on it I guess it was hard times all the time - but it never seemed to matter.
Really - looking back on it - it seems like it was a blast.
But I got out - and Johnny never did.
Every now and then I would still get the call about a great score that we could get so easy - but I guessed I missed my chance to go out on one more crazy run with Johnny.
We sold inflatable baseball bats on the train on the way to Yankee Stadium during the World Series -
Scored a bunch of knock of over cats from a deserted carnival -
And benches from an abandoned church -
Which are actually the seats now when you go to the Coney Island Museum.
One winter we worked a flat store (gambling carnival game for you non-carnies) in Times Square - and it was always fun.
It was always a party. I remember Johnny sending a bum to go get him a bottle of Vodka from the liquor store and drinking the whole bottle in one shot.
We would hustle and scheme - but we never hurt anyone - and even if we left with your money - chances are you left smiling. Johnny taught me that.
But again - I got out - and Johnny didn't.
He worked the carnival games across the street from me in Coney Island when I was at the sideshow - and he was hands down the best agent I've ever seen work a mark.
Always smiling and always going home with all their money.
So I woke up still upset that when I go home - in just a few days - we play New York - I was supposed to see him - it's just not going to happen.
But Johnny wouldn't want me upset - or anyone else - so I put on my costume and drank a beer early in the morning - and went to the show to do what Johnny taught me. The carny tradition. G.T.F.M. Get Their Fucking Money. And today we sold the more tickets to the show and I brought in more money on the blade box pitch than we ever have before on this show.
Thanks Johnny.
It's all for you.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Ozz Freak
Hey Kids,
I'm on the tour bus heading to Detroit for our next show. A week ago I left my home show - Lucky Devil in San Antonio and joined back up with the Bros. Grim Sideshow touring on Ozz-Fest. Mom - everything's going great - and I even brought veggie burgers and my grill to keep eating healthy - but that's probably a good place to stop reading.
I just cracked open an Old Style - my favorite Chicago beer and we're in the front lounge of our tour bus listening to Iron Maiden and watching Freak porno from Germany. Long Dong Silver who ties his dick in a knot, a girl completely covered in hair all over her naked body, and a hermaphrodite having sex with itself,
Just another day in the sideshow.
Today's a travel day and yesterday we had the day off - after a 5 am call to be on WGN9 national morning news. It was fun - and after a little nap in my bunk - we headed out to go take on the world and party like rockstars. We all just got paid - and with our only day off in site - we took the bus downtown drank a couple bottles of Jager and then went bar hopping.
We got thrown out of some divey blues bar when our manager got caught having sex in the bathroom. But that was just the beginning.
Our ticket seller - who's a rock and roll knockout - couldn't keep her giant tits in her shirt - and it was almost 4am before we got thrown out of the honkey tonk and called the limo service to pick us up. Not that the party stopped there.
Ozz Fest has been amazing - the shear magnatude of the tour is overwhelming - it's a like thundering trains and trucks bring you the city that travels by night. 50 tour busses and 50 tractor trailers pull into the ampitheater. Twenty Thousand screaming rockers come in and trash the place. And 24 hours later it's all gone.
We're barrelling through to Motor City - our road crew is short staffed today - so I'll be working setup overnight when we get in - then 15 shows in the blistering heat under the big top - and I can't wait for another day.
Come out and party.
Send me pics and panties.
I love you all.
Tyler
tyler@tylerfyre.com
I'm on the tour bus heading to Detroit for our next show. A week ago I left my home show - Lucky Devil in San Antonio and joined back up with the Bros. Grim Sideshow touring on Ozz-Fest. Mom - everything's going great - and I even brought veggie burgers and my grill to keep eating healthy - but that's probably a good place to stop reading.
I just cracked open an Old Style - my favorite Chicago beer and we're in the front lounge of our tour bus listening to Iron Maiden and watching Freak porno from Germany. Long Dong Silver who ties his dick in a knot, a girl completely covered in hair all over her naked body, and a hermaphrodite having sex with itself,
Just another day in the sideshow.
Today's a travel day and yesterday we had the day off - after a 5 am call to be on WGN9 national morning news. It was fun - and after a little nap in my bunk - we headed out to go take on the world and party like rockstars. We all just got paid - and with our only day off in site - we took the bus downtown drank a couple bottles of Jager and then went bar hopping.
We got thrown out of some divey blues bar when our manager got caught having sex in the bathroom. But that was just the beginning.
Our ticket seller - who's a rock and roll knockout - couldn't keep her giant tits in her shirt - and it was almost 4am before we got thrown out of the honkey tonk and called the limo service to pick us up. Not that the party stopped there.
Ozz Fest has been amazing - the shear magnatude of the tour is overwhelming - it's a like thundering trains and trucks bring you the city that travels by night. 50 tour busses and 50 tractor trailers pull into the ampitheater. Twenty Thousand screaming rockers come in and trash the place. And 24 hours later it's all gone.
We're barrelling through to Motor City - our road crew is short staffed today - so I'll be working setup overnight when we get in - then 15 shows in the blistering heat under the big top - and I can't wait for another day.
Come out and party.
Send me pics and panties.
I love you all.
Tyler
tyler@tylerfyre.com
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Lost in La La Land
Hey,
Sitting in the Los Angeles - and hoping to catch a flight out today back to the Burlesque A Pades tour. As amazing as the tour is - wonder why I'm rushing to leave LA? I flew in a fews days ago to get ready for a show at the Greek Theater - a huge and beautiful outdoor ampitheater surrounded by redwoods up in the hills in Griffith Park and right under Griffith Observatory where the big finale of Rebel Without a Cause takes place. My first night here - my manager took me out to Jumbo's Clown Room - a circus themed go-go bar where we had a blast hanging out with the girls. I walked in with a beautiful girl - so all the dancers came over to us to make friends. The phone rang from a firedancing showgirl who I love, inviting us out to an outdoor hot tub and pool party at a castle. As it happens - the last time I was in LA I ended up at a beautiful natural rock naked swimming pool party. But this was entirely different. As good as it was to be in the hot tub with my beautiful friend - the rest of the people there (whom we hadn't even bothered meeting) started singing Yellow Submarine. Oh yes - all excited and serious - then they said - no wait - from the beginning! It seemed like it was about time to leave for us - and then the hostess came out to pass out magic mushrooms to all of us in the hot tub. Someone at long last figured out how to turn on the jets in the jacuzzi and one of the girls honestly said - "wow" I think the bubbles might splash up on the coke. Okay - so now it'd definitely time for us to leave - I mean if you don't know how to do coke off a stripper's tits in a hot tub and you'd rather sing Yellow Submarine - this party's over. So we left the castle and went back to Hollywood around sunrise.
In the morning we headed up the mountain to the Greek Theater - the most beautiful outdoor ampitheater I've ever seen. 7,000 empty seats surrounded by redwood trees on a hillside. Catering fed us fantastic meals - our dressing room could have held 2 dozen more performers - with white sofas and beautiful lighted make up mirrors - plus 4 showers. Oh and of course 2 coolers of beer.
The shows were a blast - none of us knew what we were in for playing for Greatful Dead Leftovers - Bob Weir and Ratface and then the String Cheese Incident. But the crowd was great.
We went back to Danyella's house for a chill party and got up early to go out for huevos rancheros and shopping on Melrose.
Come nightfall - my friend and I got dolled up and went to the Magic Castle - this wild old man's fraternal order of magic club. You have to be sponsored by an official magician and member of the castle to get in - but no sweat - we just called the owner and explained who we are. The whole place is a wild trip - you say open sesame to a bookshelf that opens to let you in. Beyond surreal - we had dinner - met a 58 year old woman that makes pirate sex toys - and saw a Vegas style magic show.
With just a few hours left - we went back to relax under the palm trees on a sweet hot Los Angeles night. Any minute we'll find out if I'll make a flight that get's me to my next show - and even if I do - my brand new road cases of swords and costumes have already left on another flight to another city. I haven't slept in days and I wouldn't have it any other way.
It's all worth it to see you in person in the next town.
You Rock,
Tyler
Sitting in the Los Angeles - and hoping to catch a flight out today back to the Burlesque A Pades tour. As amazing as the tour is - wonder why I'm rushing to leave LA? I flew in a fews days ago to get ready for a show at the Greek Theater - a huge and beautiful outdoor ampitheater surrounded by redwoods up in the hills in Griffith Park and right under Griffith Observatory where the big finale of Rebel Without a Cause takes place. My first night here - my manager took me out to Jumbo's Clown Room - a circus themed go-go bar where we had a blast hanging out with the girls. I walked in with a beautiful girl - so all the dancers came over to us to make friends. The phone rang from a firedancing showgirl who I love, inviting us out to an outdoor hot tub and pool party at a castle. As it happens - the last time I was in LA I ended up at a beautiful natural rock naked swimming pool party. But this was entirely different. As good as it was to be in the hot tub with my beautiful friend - the rest of the people there (whom we hadn't even bothered meeting) started singing Yellow Submarine. Oh yes - all excited and serious - then they said - no wait - from the beginning! It seemed like it was about time to leave for us - and then the hostess came out to pass out magic mushrooms to all of us in the hot tub. Someone at long last figured out how to turn on the jets in the jacuzzi and one of the girls honestly said - "wow" I think the bubbles might splash up on the coke. Okay - so now it'd definitely time for us to leave - I mean if you don't know how to do coke off a stripper's tits in a hot tub and you'd rather sing Yellow Submarine - this party's over. So we left the castle and went back to Hollywood around sunrise.
In the morning we headed up the mountain to the Greek Theater - the most beautiful outdoor ampitheater I've ever seen. 7,000 empty seats surrounded by redwood trees on a hillside. Catering fed us fantastic meals - our dressing room could have held 2 dozen more performers - with white sofas and beautiful lighted make up mirrors - plus 4 showers. Oh and of course 2 coolers of beer.
The shows were a blast - none of us knew what we were in for playing for Greatful Dead Leftovers - Bob Weir and Ratface and then the String Cheese Incident. But the crowd was great.
We went back to Danyella's house for a chill party and got up early to go out for huevos rancheros and shopping on Melrose.
Come nightfall - my friend and I got dolled up and went to the Magic Castle - this wild old man's fraternal order of magic club. You have to be sponsored by an official magician and member of the castle to get in - but no sweat - we just called the owner and explained who we are. The whole place is a wild trip - you say open sesame to a bookshelf that opens to let you in. Beyond surreal - we had dinner - met a 58 year old woman that makes pirate sex toys - and saw a Vegas style magic show.
With just a few hours left - we went back to relax under the palm trees on a sweet hot Los Angeles night. Any minute we'll find out if I'll make a flight that get's me to my next show - and even if I do - my brand new road cases of swords and costumes have already left on another flight to another city. I haven't slept in days and I wouldn't have it any other way.
It's all worth it to see you in person in the next town.
You Rock,
Tyler
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Monster and the Monstrosity
So Ron Jeremy is having sex in the bathroom and I’m getting in costume for our show in Albuquerque, New Mexico at the Desert Sands Hotel for Camel’s Sin City Tour. The show was amazing. I show up on site for load in and the stage manager tells me that I’m sharing a dressing room with Ron Jeremy. What can you say? When he walks in the door – I feel like I know him already – I mean he’s made 1,870 movies – directed 420 movies including John Wayne Bobbit Uncut. He has a 9 and ¾ inch penis and he’s had sex with over 4,000 people. Well after tonight I guess it’s 4,004 because he had four chicks in our bathroom tonight and he had a date lined up for after the show. I mean show business has been very good to me – but I had no idea.
I got two hours sleep last night after staying up eating duck and drinking moonshine at a dinner party in Manhattan – then headed to the airport for Albuquerque – and state number 43 for this year.
It was perfect – the whole idea for the Sin City Tour is old style Las Vegas – so they’ve got us in this old hotel on Route 66 – now don’t misunderstand me – I’m not staying in the Desert Sands – I’m in a nice hotel with an outdoor pool where I had steaks delivered to me and Grindergirl that we pulled apart with our teeth while lounging in the desert sunshine. I’m sunburned in October. After a swim in the pool – we got dolled up and headed to the venue. They drove us to the hotel – which now rents rooms by the week and some poor PA had to kick out all the residents and explain to them that while we were bringing in all this killer talent and putting on a kick ass show – they had to go to another hotel. Probably a nicer hotel – but still a rough job for a kid trying to make it in the business.
My dressing room that I’m sharing is a hotel room – so it’s kind of cool. It really is old style roadside sleazy. I’ve got PBR on my rider so they bring me beer up to the room and I meet the gals in the dressing room next to me – Gravity Plays Favorites – from St. Louis who met working in Larry Flynt’s Hustler Club and have created the best partner acrobatic pole dance I’ve ever seen.
I kick off the show with my safe sex pitch and then get to introduce – the man – the myth – the monstrosity – Ron Jeremy. He’s doing stand up comedy. Well we all know how well he can stand up.
The show is a lot of fun – the crowd is liquored up and having a blast – and they’ve gone all out with entertainment – bringing out the Albuquerque Roller Girls, a casino, a whole gang of gorgeous go-go girls in lingerie, Grindergirl, Black Maria, and Bucket of Weenies – a compilation band of killer musicians featuring Chester Bennington (Linkin Park), Mike Brown (TSOL), Sean Dowdell (Grey Daze), Ryan Shuck (Orgy), and Mike Rouse (The Johns). They get into a fight with the audience because somebody threw a piece of ice at them and then start dissing Camel – always a good move when you’ve just been paid $20,000 to perform.
But that’s cool – because I’m having a blast. My sets are going great and I’ve got a bigger crowd than the big rockstars. Right before they go on – I get Ron Jeremy to come on stage with me – we’re telling jokes – and he swings the sledgehammer to break a cement block on my head. He has to swing the hammer five times and then it shatters.
They got the block from an alleyway here in town somewhere. So who knows how old it was – but damn it was a tough one.
I’ve only got a few hours to sleep before I fly out to Dallas in the morning to check out the new pilot they’re cutting for the reality TV show we cut in Sturgis, SD during the bike rally with Bros. Grim and maybe drink some moonshine with my Texan rockabilly buddies.
My head hurts, I’m sunburned, and ridiculously tired – but it’s the best life in the world.
What did you do today?
You know I love to hear from you – so email me off the website – and as always
Send big checks and little panties to:
Tyler Fyre
2970 Ocean Ave. C-2
Brooklyn, NY 11235
You Rock,
Tyler
I got two hours sleep last night after staying up eating duck and drinking moonshine at a dinner party in Manhattan – then headed to the airport for Albuquerque – and state number 43 for this year.
It was perfect – the whole idea for the Sin City Tour is old style Las Vegas – so they’ve got us in this old hotel on Route 66 – now don’t misunderstand me – I’m not staying in the Desert Sands – I’m in a nice hotel with an outdoor pool where I had steaks delivered to me and Grindergirl that we pulled apart with our teeth while lounging in the desert sunshine. I’m sunburned in October. After a swim in the pool – we got dolled up and headed to the venue. They drove us to the hotel – which now rents rooms by the week and some poor PA had to kick out all the residents and explain to them that while we were bringing in all this killer talent and putting on a kick ass show – they had to go to another hotel. Probably a nicer hotel – but still a rough job for a kid trying to make it in the business.
My dressing room that I’m sharing is a hotel room – so it’s kind of cool. It really is old style roadside sleazy. I’ve got PBR on my rider so they bring me beer up to the room and I meet the gals in the dressing room next to me – Gravity Plays Favorites – from St. Louis who met working in Larry Flynt’s Hustler Club and have created the best partner acrobatic pole dance I’ve ever seen.
I kick off the show with my safe sex pitch and then get to introduce – the man – the myth – the monstrosity – Ron Jeremy. He’s doing stand up comedy. Well we all know how well he can stand up.
The show is a lot of fun – the crowd is liquored up and having a blast – and they’ve gone all out with entertainment – bringing out the Albuquerque Roller Girls, a casino, a whole gang of gorgeous go-go girls in lingerie, Grindergirl, Black Maria, and Bucket of Weenies – a compilation band of killer musicians featuring Chester Bennington (Linkin Park), Mike Brown (TSOL), Sean Dowdell (Grey Daze), Ryan Shuck (Orgy), and Mike Rouse (The Johns). They get into a fight with the audience because somebody threw a piece of ice at them and then start dissing Camel – always a good move when you’ve just been paid $20,000 to perform.
But that’s cool – because I’m having a blast. My sets are going great and I’ve got a bigger crowd than the big rockstars. Right before they go on – I get Ron Jeremy to come on stage with me – we’re telling jokes – and he swings the sledgehammer to break a cement block on my head. He has to swing the hammer five times and then it shatters.
They got the block from an alleyway here in town somewhere. So who knows how old it was – but damn it was a tough one.
I’ve only got a few hours to sleep before I fly out to Dallas in the morning to check out the new pilot they’re cutting for the reality TV show we cut in Sturgis, SD during the bike rally with Bros. Grim and maybe drink some moonshine with my Texan rockabilly buddies.
My head hurts, I’m sunburned, and ridiculously tired – but it’s the best life in the world.
What did you do today?
You know I love to hear from you – so email me off the website – and as always
Send big checks and little panties to:
Tyler Fyre
2970 Ocean Ave. C-2
Brooklyn, NY 11235
You Rock,
Tyler
Monday, October 10, 2005
Death and Destruction
So it’s really cool in the sideshow when somebody passes out during your act – we call it a falling ovation. If somebody in the audience pukes during your act – you’re guararanteed to have the rest of the cast buy you drinks – but tonight we superceded all expectations – when a guy passed out, threw up and had a heart attack while I was on stage.
Yesterday I showed up for load in at 8 am in Dover New Hampshire. We’re playing the Seacoast Tattoo Festival at the Dover Elks Lodge? And it’s pouring rain. We load all our gear on to the outdoor stage under a small tent that we’re sharing with two bands – with 100 feet of mud to walk through to get to our dressing room. And I though I left the carnival? But at least we had an indoor dressing room. With all the tattoo machines running, the power blows out the circuit with the light in our dressing room every five minutes. No big deal for us – but imagine getting tattooed and having the power keep cutting out. Oh yeah – it hurts enough and then you’ve gotta wait for it to hurt some more.
So it’s 10am in the morning - we’re almost done with setup – and I want a beer. I can’t go into the Elk’s Lodge because it’s private so I’m waiting for them to open the wooden window from the bar to the event room. But I’ve got stuff to do – so I tell Lex – Our stage manager who I just met – “I’ve gotta go tune up the chainsaw – can you bring me a beer?”
Apparently she’s never heard a sentence like this before – but as her jaw was dropping they opened the window and I got a PBR draft in one hand with a wrench in the other hand.
Our shows were awesome – the crowd was so much fun. It’s just like Coney Island – if it’s bad weather – the people who come out – come out to have fun – and they’re awesome.
We did two shows outside and two shows inside. I carved a Jack-o-lantern with the chainsaw on top of Peaches before cutting it in half on top of her as she layed on the bed of nails as the rain poured down in sheets off the front of the tent. Show two we killed the chainsaw for good. I guess it’s had a good life – I got it two years ago on the Turkey Chainsaw Massacre tour. Our truck blew a flat in Jacksonville, NC – where Camp LeJune is – the Marine Corps boot camp is. So the pawn shop is awesome – I’m checking out a whole wall of chainsaws – the dude working there keeps talking engines with me which is cool – but I’m swinging them over my head to check for balance and he’s telling me about horsepower – but I want a red one. He stopped helping me after that – but I bought a cool ass chainsaw which has kicked ass for two years.
Tonight the after party was awesome – at Asia – the local Chinese restaurant – which as it happens – is the toughest bar in town and we were swinging with some serious cats – who knew? But I’ll tell you the owner Don kicked my ass in Foozeball.
I love this town. I couldn’t believe it when I got the address after booking the event and found out that we were playing the Elks Lodge – but this place kicks ass and we’re coming back next year for sure!
Yesterday I showed up for load in at 8 am in Dover New Hampshire. We’re playing the Seacoast Tattoo Festival at the Dover Elks Lodge? And it’s pouring rain. We load all our gear on to the outdoor stage under a small tent that we’re sharing with two bands – with 100 feet of mud to walk through to get to our dressing room. And I though I left the carnival? But at least we had an indoor dressing room. With all the tattoo machines running, the power blows out the circuit with the light in our dressing room every five minutes. No big deal for us – but imagine getting tattooed and having the power keep cutting out. Oh yeah – it hurts enough and then you’ve gotta wait for it to hurt some more.
So it’s 10am in the morning - we’re almost done with setup – and I want a beer. I can’t go into the Elk’s Lodge because it’s private so I’m waiting for them to open the wooden window from the bar to the event room. But I’ve got stuff to do – so I tell Lex – Our stage manager who I just met – “I’ve gotta go tune up the chainsaw – can you bring me a beer?”
Apparently she’s never heard a sentence like this before – but as her jaw was dropping they opened the window and I got a PBR draft in one hand with a wrench in the other hand.
Our shows were awesome – the crowd was so much fun. It’s just like Coney Island – if it’s bad weather – the people who come out – come out to have fun – and they’re awesome.
We did two shows outside and two shows inside. I carved a Jack-o-lantern with the chainsaw on top of Peaches before cutting it in half on top of her as she layed on the bed of nails as the rain poured down in sheets off the front of the tent. Show two we killed the chainsaw for good. I guess it’s had a good life – I got it two years ago on the Turkey Chainsaw Massacre tour. Our truck blew a flat in Jacksonville, NC – where Camp LeJune is – the Marine Corps boot camp is. So the pawn shop is awesome – I’m checking out a whole wall of chainsaws – the dude working there keeps talking engines with me which is cool – but I’m swinging them over my head to check for balance and he’s telling me about horsepower – but I want a red one. He stopped helping me after that – but I bought a cool ass chainsaw which has kicked ass for two years.
Tonight the after party was awesome – at Asia – the local Chinese restaurant – which as it happens – is the toughest bar in town and we were swinging with some serious cats – who knew? But I’ll tell you the owner Don kicked my ass in Foozeball.
I love this town. I couldn’t believe it when I got the address after booking the event and found out that we were playing the Elks Lodge – but this place kicks ass and we’re coming back next year for sure!
